I didnt know what to say, so I avoided him.”
Thats what a leader confessed to me during a coaching session, his voice low with shame. One of his team members had just lost a child, and instead of reaching out, he kept his distance. What could I possibly say to make it better? he asked me. I was terrified Id make things worse.
Its a moment many leaders face but few talk about. When employees are dealing with loss, crisis, or personal hardship, the instinct to avoid, to stay in the safe zone of tasks and deadlines, can be overwhelming. But leadership during hard times isnt about having the perfect wordsits about having the courage to show up.
The Emotional Weight of Hardship
Hardship can take many forms: a natural disaster, economic uncertainty, a significant organizational change, or even the loss of a beloved team member. These situations disrupt normalcy, destabilize routines, and often leave employees carrying emotional burdens into the workplace.
But hardship isnt just personalits collective. When one persons world is shaken, the ripple effects can touch entire teams. For example:
A team grappling with layoffs may experience anxiety and survivors guilt.
An employee returning to work after a family emergency might struggle with focus or emotional exhaustion.
A department affected by a major project setback could feel disoriented or demotivated.
Ronald Heifetz, a pioneer in adaptive leadershipa practice of mobilizing people to tackle tough challenges by addressing underlying behaviorsteaches that hardship disrupts more than just routines. It challenges identities and certainties. A leaders role is not to mask this discomfort but to create a holding environmenta safe space where people can process emotions, confront challenges, and begin adapting to new realities.
Creating a Holding Environment: Practical Steps
A holding environment is both a physical and psychological construct. Its a spaceliteral or metaphoricalwhere people feel safe enough to express vulnerability and work through challenges. Heres how leaders can create one:
1. Be present without trying to solve everythingLeaders often feel compelled to jump in with solutions, but during times of hardship, this instinct can feel dismissive. Instead, focus on listening deeply and acknowledging the complexity of what your team is experiencing. For instance, if a team is navigating the loss of a major client, recognize their efforts and express understanding, rather than rushing to push them toward the next target.
2. Establish safety through boundariesEmployees need to feel that sharing their emotions wont jeopardize their professional standing or team dynamics. Create structured opportunities for open dialogue, such as team check-ins or one-on-one conversations, and set clear boundaries to ensure these spaces are respectful and constructive.
3. Model vulnerability and humanityLeaders dont have to have all the answers. Showing your own humanitywhether its sharing how youve navigated setbacks or admitting youre also finding the situation challengingbuilds trust and normalizes vulnerability. For example, a leader might say, Im also struggling to see the bigger picture right now, but I know well figure it out together.
4. Encourage reflection and meaning-makingHardship often leaves people searching for meaning. Encourage employees to share their stories or lessons learned. Even simple gestures, like celebrating the resilience a team demonstrated during a tight deadline or acknowledging the effort it took to navigate a tough quarter, can help employees feel seen and valued.
When Leadership Misses the Mark
Even well-intentioned leaders can stumble in their responses to hardship. Heres what to avoid:
1. Over-optimism: Efforts to keep the mood upbeat can feel tone-deaf if they dont acknowledge the gravity of the situation. Avoid platitudes like, This will all blow over soon and instead validate what your team is experiencing.2. Delegating empathy: Empathy cant be outsourced to HR or managers alone. Leaders need to show up authentically and engage with their teams directly. Theres no exact right way to do this, and sometimes naming your own discomfort or uncertainty is the act of courage that will connect you more deeply. Leaders sometimes hesitate to do this out of fear, and are surprised how relieving and even inspiring it proves to be.3. Inconsistency: Providing initial support but failing to follow through can erode trust. Ensure any commitmentswhether flexible schedules, extra resources, or emotional supportare sustained for as long as needed.4. Ignoring the bigger picture: Focusing only on individual employees can mean overlooking team dynamics or cultural shifts that also need attention. Loss creates a wake that needs its own acknowledgement.
The Cost of Neglecting Hardship
When hardship is left unaddressed, morale drops, productivity suffers, and turnover increases. Stress and grief, if ignored, can escalate into disengagement or even conflict. Ive worked with organizations who talk about these events as if they were yesterday only to find out they were many years in the past. To those carrying them into the present, they still felt relevant because they went unaddressed or unprocessed. This sets up a divide of the people who want to move on and those who feel left behind or unheard. The very thing that many leaders avoid, naming and acknowledging the losses, is in fact, what Heifetz offers as the leaders greatest opportunity.
Intentional leadership during challenging times can strengthen bonds, build trust, and foster a culture of resilience. For instance, a leader who supports an employee through a personal crisis by adjusting their workload or connecting them with resources creates goodwill that extends far beyond the immediate situation.
Adaptive Leadership for Lasting Impact
Navigating hardship requires adaptive leadershiphelping individuals and teams bridge the gap between current realities and future possibilities. This often means asking tough questions: What do we need to let go of? What can we salvage? How do we move forward together?
The process isnt easy, but the results are profound. By meeting hardship with empathy, openness, and authenticity, leaders can transform challenges into opportunities for growth and connection.
In a world that is constantly changing, great leadership isnt about avoiding adversityits about creating more space to meet it with courage, compassion, and clarity.
