A lot goes through our heads during company restructurings: Will I get laid off? Will my coworkers lose their jobs? What will happen to my workload if my team is affected?
But in the wake of such events, if we dont get laid off, we often ignore or dismiss the emotions that linger because we dont feel we deserve to experience them. After all, we kept our jobs, were the lucky ones. Why should we complain or feel upset?
However experts say that not addressing this so-called survivors guilt can negatively impact your confidence and productivity moving forward.
Those employees who remain, they feel either undeserving of being able to stay, or they feel responsible for their colleagues who lost their jobs, or they just feel kind of an overwhelming sense of guilt and sadness, even though theyre still at the job, says Isha Metzger, a psychologist and cognitive-behavioral therapist specializing in trauma.
Theres also often a fear of the unknown among employees who make it out of a major transition unscathed. Its this wrestle in the mind of, Oh man, I got to stay, but now I dont know for how long, says Lisa Rigoli, who worked in human resources for brands such as Target and CarMax before becoming a leadership consultant for individuals and teams navigating change.
Luckily these feelings dont have to stick around forever. Heres how to overcome survivors guilt so you can make the most of your situation and come away from the organizational pivot stronger, wiser, and much less overwhelmed.
PINPOINT THE WHAT AND WHY OF SURVIVOR’S GUILT
Common wisdom says that the best first step to tackling any emotion is acknowledging it. That can be easier said than done, which is why Rigoli recommends asking yourself three pointed questions:
What about this experience motivates me?
What about this experience triggers me?
What are some of my blind spots as a result of this experience?
Lets say your boss was let go. You might be motivated by the fact that theres now an opening to step up as a leader, but triggered by the advanced responsibility or skill set that would entail. Meanwhile, your blind spot might be how to go about taking on this new role. When youve identified the things that excite and scare you, you can then begin to take steps toward solving for them.
Metzger says labeling how youre feelingwhether hopeless, nervous, angry, or something elsecan also further prepare you for getting what you need to process it effectively, be that talking with a coworker who can comfort you or a family member who can help you decompress.
Without being able to first identify and then communicate what it is that you need, its very hard to advocate for yourself, she says, adding that its also okay to acknowledge uncertainty. Empowerment can also look like, I dont even have the feelings, or Im not even able to communicate those feelings right now, and thats why Im coming to you for help.
Meeting yourself where youre at, giving yourself grace, and being able to articulate . . . is the best way to get that help that we need, Metzger adds.
SET BOUNDARIES
You might be tempted to overcompensate for organizational confusion or a lack of resources by working harder or longer hours. Or maybe theres a spoken or unspoken expectation that youll take on more. As much as you can, resist this urge and set clear boundaries.
You can give yourself permission to disconnect as needed, Metzger says, noting that this can be as simple as deciding not to check emails after 5 p.m. If now you need to recharge and rest twice as much, make sure that youre doing that as well.
With this, its important to get clarity on whom youll now report to, if management has shifted or left the company, as well as who on your team is new to you. Once thats clear, youll be able to form a relationship built on mutual respect for work-life balance and boundaries. The best way to do so? Advocate for yourself early and often.
FIND YOUR COMMUNITY
Its easy to feel like you have to go it alone in the aftermath of a transitionespecially if your organization tends to promote a dog eat dog culture. But even in the most competitive of spaces its possible, and crucial, to find a community that can support you emotionally.
Focus on those allies or those advocates youve already been able to identify, and then . . . if youre asked to take on an extra load, you can go to that ally or that advocate youve identified, and hopefully that will be someone who can protect you, Metzger says.
If all your friends or mentors have left, ask them who at the company you could connect with. If there isnt anyone whos currently at your job, you can certainly think about mental health resources that exist, peer support groups that maybe you could find online, Metzger adds.
FOCUS ON WHAT YOU CAN CONTROL
Survivors guilt often stems from the fact that something happened to us that was out of our control. Moving past it, then, requires us to focus on the things we do have a say on.
If youre feeling a loss of control over your workplace, then reframe the narrative in terms of, Okay, I dont have control over my workplace, but what sorts of things do I have control over? I can maybe get involved socially or civically, or even politically. I can make sure that I am staying close with those colleagues who no longer work here. I can make sure that I can contribute positively to the new workplace reality, Metzger says.
Just because someone has left your team doesnt mean you cant remain friends, close colleagues, or mentor-mentee. Chances are youll need that person for emotional and career support down the roadand so will they once the smoke clears and theyre ready to make their next moves post-layoff.
CONSIDER YOUR NEXT MOVES
Sticking around long term, even with the residual feelings that stir up, might be exactly the right move for you. However, in some cases, your survivors guilt could be a sign of something biggerfor example, that youre ready for a new job.
This was the case for Rigoli, who faced a restructuring in 2022 that had her reconsidering her career path. It forced me to take a moment to really ask myself, Whats right for me? If I were to stay in that role, how would I feel? And I felt not complete, she says.
Or it could mean that you need some extra guidance from a therapist or career coach. If youre having these conversations and you find yourself still ruminating, still worrying, still feeling sad or guilty or hopeless, Metzger says, it never hurts to get that additional professional help.
