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Being a perfectionist is like playing a rigged carnival game. Its presented as easy and within reach when its actually impossible and unattainable. People who are expected by others, or expect themselves, to be perfect are trapped in a nonsensical world where normal and difficult are confused with perfect and easy. Unable to achieve perfection, they’re bombarded with messages that they’re not thinking, feeling, or performing normally: Everyone else manages to keep their house in order while working full-time and raising kids. No one else has to work this hard just to get by. None of the other moms have a hard time getting up with their kids in the morning. Of course, we’re all shackled by perfectionism to some extent. Those last three statements were pulled from my own perfectionistic self-talk. In a world of carefully crafted profiles and photoshopped everything, developing an accurate sense of “normal” is an uphill battle. The constant distortion makes equalizing critical. Equalizing shows someone that their reaction makes complete sense given their circumstances and how humans naturally respond. It’s essentially saying, If I was in your shoes, I would do or feel the same. It not only validates people’s reactions but also recalibrates their expectations. My client, a physician I’ll call Lou, once came to session with a familiar problem: He couldn’t keep up with emails at his new job and he was struggling to complete his patients’ notes on time, partly because of the email overload. No problem, I thought. We discussed ways to streamline his documentation process and came up with a plan for him to speak with the director if all else failed. Well, all else failed, including his conversation with the director, who my judgmental mind desperately wanted to be cast as Cruella de Vil. No, she told him, Lou could not get staff assistance in responding to patient emails; yes, all patient emails needed to be addressed by end of day; no, he could not get weekly admin time to attend to these tasks as is customary in most hospitals and could make up missed work on his own time. The director didn’t validate any of Lou’s concerns and instead seemed to suggest that he should get with the program. Still, the demands seemed unreasonable. How were any of the other doctors staying afloat? Lou didn’t know. The director wasn’t beloved by any means, but no one else was complaining about the expectations or workflow. “Maybe it’s the OCD,” he said after months of not being able to make it home in time to put his kids to bed. Lou had a history of obsessive-compulsive disorder, which manifested in excessive checking. When we started working together, he would check to see if the oven was off, then recheck to ensure it was off, then recheck just to be positive, then . . . you get the point. At work, he used to compulsively go over orders and prescriptions he’d submitted, driven by the anxiety that he’d made a mistake. But that was all in the past. Lou responded positively to treatment and had been symptom-free for years. “Are you checking again?” I asked. He didn’t think so but was starting to doubt himself. I reminded him of the unrelenting anxiety and obsessive thoughts that drove his compulsions. He admitted that the mafia goons were noticeably absent. But if it wasn’t the OCD, what was it? Lou’s situation was growing increasingly Kafkaesque. He began looking for other jobs. Then one day his director was gone. Fired or quit, Lou wasn’t sure which. There was a new director, and the first thing she did was to ask the doctors for anonymous feedback about their needs and pain points. Then she scheduled a meeting with them, which focused primarily on acknowledging the concerns everyone had raised about managing emails. It turns out Lou wasn’t an outlier after all. He was part of a silent majority. His burnout and hopelessness weren’t abnormal reactions to reasonable demands; they were normal responses to unrealistic expectations. Even though the new director didn’t have any immediate solutions to the email problem, Lou abandoned his job search. He no longer felt overwhelmed with hopelessness and self-doubt; his oxygen mask was firmly in place. Perfectionism thrives in isolation, where we can’t see that others struggle too with the same impossible standards. Equalizing brings these hidden struggles into the light, normalizing our very understandable responses to unrealistic demands. Adapted with permission from Validation by Caroline Fleck, published by Avery, an imprint of Penguin Publishing Group, a division of Penguin Random House, LLC. Copyright 2025 by Caroline Fleck.
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When I asked Alicia Graf Mack, dean and director of The Julliard Schools Dance Division, to recall a moment that felt like a manifestation of her vision, she shared a recent Zoom conversation she had with seven Julliard seniors. Theyre touring with dance companies and joined from around the world to share stories about their first performances. As a former principal dancer, Graf Mack understands her students journeys. She joined Julliard in 2018 with a bold vision to modernize dance education. As Julliard President Damian Woetzel captured: on a macro level, what she is doing is influencing the very future of dance in the world. Id love to see a field that is so diverse that we don’t have to put any labels on the artists themselves, she says. Id love to see a world where leadership is rooted in the same values that our school is: equity, diversity, inclusion, belonging, and creative enterprise. There is no one way to define what excellence is, she adds. I wish for all of our dancers to have a stage for their unique voices and lives. Alicia Graf Mack [Photo: Gregory Costanzo] Graf Macks vision will be brought to life at Julliards annual Spring Dances program March 26 to 29, where students will perform works by distinguished choreographers Jose Limón, William Forsythe, and Aszure Barton. On the surface, Graf Macks journey may appear like the perfect full circle story. This July, she will return to Alvin Ailey Theatre, where she was a principal dancer, as their new artistic director. Still, her path is defined by resilience. She retired three times due to an autoimmune disease and returned to the stage twice. Today, she is devoted to guiding the next generation of artists. Here, she discusses how to evolve your purpose, cultivate a beginners mindset, and sustain creative energy. This interview has been edited for length and clarity. In your Harpers Bazaar interview with Jon Batiste, he shared that the company mindset is really the antithesis of art, which is a superpower thats most potent when individuals are most like themselves and empowered in their being. As a teacher, what does it look like to empower people in their being? Im lucky that being in this position, I have the chance to see so much talent, then hand select the incredible artists who we want to help to cultivate further. I always look for something intangible in the personsomething you can’t pinpoint or describe why youre drawn to their artistry or talent. When you have a rich cohort of different peopledifferent backgrounds, body shapes, and intereststhat room will be so much richer and more vibrant, because no one is trying to fulfill a cookie cutter image of what a professional dancer should be or look like. I’m hopeful that, with the young people in the dance division, but also throughout the school, that we are cultivating leadership of the next generation of professional artists in the field. The idea of creating the world that you hope to see lives at the forefront of what we do at Juilliard and the people who are here. I’ve had a very atypical journey for a ballerina who is a Black woman and stands over six feet tall in pointe shoesall of that was to be barriers in my life. But, those differences are what made me stand out. I would love to be able to pass on that torch of inclusion that I experienced at Dance Theatre of Harlem under Arthur Mitchell and Alvin Ailey under Judith Jamison and Robert Battle. To be able to be an authentic person makes such a difference in your artistry once you join a company, because then youre part of an institution. But, you’re honored for who you are, as opposed to having to prove every day who you are. That allows the dancers to fly, because when you come to an educational institution and you’re asked to be vulnerable and learn new things, it’s very hard to do so when youre not seen as the right person for the work. Lets talk about resilience. You shared a poignant moment after a doctors appointment that implied that your career might be over: You were on the subway and sat under Dance Theatre of Harlems 30th anniversary poster with you in the center. Looking back, what would you have told yourself then? I would say: There’s no way through it, but through it. There was no way around the devastation that I felt when I knew that part of me or that chapter of my life was closed. My dad was with me that day and to have him there was really meaningful. It was like: You can hit rock bottom. But, your rock bottom still has your people there. In your conversation with Wendy Whelan, associate artistic director of New York City Ballet, you shared that the life experience you had during your retirements helped you give yourself to the work. What does it mean to give yourself to the work? It wasn’t until I gained maturity in life and life experiencewhat it feels like to be at your bottom and also know the high of highsthat I could bring that to my storytelling. Essentially, thats what we do as dancers. We tell stories, either literal stories as embodied characters or we try to emulate music or feelings. In everything, we try to reflect the world in which we live and upon universal experiences that will affect an audience as they’re watching. As a young person, I trained all dayafter school, all night, and all weekend. Then, I became a professional dancer. I didn’t have any real-life experiences to draw upon when I was dancing. Coming back, I was a much more mature artist. I had less fear about impressing an audience or dance critic. It all fell to the wayside after I returned, because I knew that my time was not promised on stage. I took advantage of every moment and tried to run full force into it. [Photo: Rachel Papo] You often describe dance as living in the movement and express that dance isnt just about technique. How do you help dancers understand that theyre a vessel for creativity and guide them to dance from that place? The great dancers are able to transcend technique. Thats where they live in their artistry. They are more than the steps. Anybody can learn a step. But, it is a special gift to be able to express. I’m hearing the words of Judith Jamison because I’ve been watching so many old videos. [Jamison passed away a few days prior to our conversation]. She would say this all the time: You must speak truth through your art. That’s what we do as artists. When you see an artist who has unlocked that great sense of vulnerability and responsibility to the craft, you will recognize them right away on stage. What is essential to sustain that creative energy and level of performance? Theres a very important mode of daily practice that dancers must have. We are constantly putting our body through the paces. So, when it’s time to perform, it becomes second nature. You’re not thinking about steps. Also, its about staying curious about the work; that keeps everything so alive. It allows seasoned dancers to maintain a beginner’s mindset, so that every day you step into the studio you’re like: What can I learn? What is something that I can approach with a new or fresh perspective today? I can only talk about my own experiences. But, with Alvin Ailey, we would perform Revelations hundreds of times in a given year. You have to keep asking yourself: What experiences can I draw on today to bring forth through this work? What is happening in our world and culture that I can tap into to express pain, joy, or hope? Its a meditation on how to refresh the work every day and remind ourselves why it’s so important. You highlighted that while the path requires intentional sacrifice, you can walk it with joy. How do you stay connected to joy amidst the rigor? You have to hold onto the why of what you’re doing. I always had the sense that not every day is going to be like Christmas. But, you’re going to have those moments when you realize that you arrived. That keeps you going to step onto another plateauto continue to want to strive for more. What I do isn’t life saving. But, I do feel that my work has a real purpose; that allows clarity. I have a feeling that I know what I’ve been put on this Earth to do. I try to live that purpose as much as I can.
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Letting go of a struggling employee or deciding to coach them is one of the toughest calls a leader has to make. Its rarely a black-and-white decision, and the stakes are highnot just for the individual but for the whole team and company. Every leader faces this dilemma multiple times in their career, and making a fair, timely decision isnt always easy. Thats why I created the CORVETT frameworka simple, structured set of questions designed to cut through the noise and help leaders make these tough calls with clarity and intention. Instead of reacting emotionally or making hasty decisions, this approach ensures consistency and fairness. I also teach this framework in my course at Stanford Graduate School of Business, where students tackle some of the biggest challenges in scaling companies. Breaking down the CORVETT framework The CORVETT framework is a guide to help leaders evaluate whether an employee can be successfully coached or whether its time to let them go. Heres how it works: Ask yourself the following set of questions. If you can say “yes” to most of these, its a signal to invest in coaching someone. If not, it is likely the right time to part ways. C Contrition: Does the person recognize that what theyve done (or not done) is a problem and are they willing to change? People who dont acknowledge an issue are unlikely to commit to improvement. Without this foundation, coaching simply wont work. O Ownership: Will they take responsibility for owning their performance? Even if they need support, which is often the case, its important that the person feels a sense of ownership for their development path. R Repetition: Have they been able to address this issue before? Or are they stuck in a cycle of repeating the same mistakes or bad behavior? Persistent patterns often indicate deeper challenges in learning or adaptability. V Values: Do their core values align with those of the team and company? While skills can be coached, values are deeply ingrained. A misalignment here is often a sign that the partnership isnt sustainable. E Expectations: Did I, as a leader, set clear and measurable expectations? Have I given them the tools and support they need to succeed? Sometimes the failure isnt on the employeeits on us as leaders. Setting crystal-clear expectations is critical, and if you havent done this yet, its time to reset. T Talents: Does this role align with their natural strengths and talents? Sometimes, its not about performance; its about fit. Reassigning someone to a role that better matches their abilities can often transform a struggling employee into a star performer. T Timing: Can this wait, or is immediate action required? Some situations demand urgent results, leaving little room for extended coaching timelines. Other times, patience can yield tremendous long-term benefits. Again, if you can confidently say yes to most of these questions, its likely worth investing in coaching. If not, it is probably time to let the employee go. If “cut,” avoid procrastination One of the most common mistakes leaders make is delaying tough decisions. Many hold out hope that things will improve on their own, or avoid confrontation because it feels uncomfortable. However, procrastination benefits no one. It delays the individuals growth or transition and often causes ripple effects that impact the entire team. Timely, intentional decisions are in everyones best interest. Employees deserve clarity about their future, and teams need colleagues who can meet a high bar and leaders who address challenges head-on. If “coach,” think broadly about solutions If your decision is to coach an employee to deliver stronger performance, first make sure you start with the E in CORVETT, and set crystal-clear expectations for what success will look like in the process. The worst thing a leader can do is keep someone onboard and not give them clear direction about how to improve. Take the time to express exactly how you will measure whether they pass the bar for performance. If you decide to invest in coaching an employee, think beyond traditional approaches to accelerate their growth and impact. While direct coaching or hiring an executive coach are good options, they often take significant time and/or funds that not every company will have available. Today companies of all sizes are also scaling coaching through AI tools for their employees, like aRTi, the personalized AI leadership coach we offer at Rising Team. These tools provide 24/7, ongoing guidance and can complement any other coaching they receive. Theyre an efficient way to give employees personalized support and actionable insights exactly when they need it. By offering these kinds of resources, you can help employees grow faster, make more informed decisions, and deliver strong performance, both for those that need coaching, and for your existing strong performers, too. Try using CORVETT For self-reflection The CORVETT framework isnt just for managers. It can also be a valuable tool for individual contributors looking to assess their own performance and alignment. Ask yourself: Am I taking ownership of my development? Have I sought clarity on expectations from my manager? Does my role align with my natural strengths and values? By reflecting on these questions, employees can identify areas for improvement and take proactive steps to ensure their own success. Make confident, fair leadership decisions The CORVETT framework offers a practical, unbiased guide to one of the toughest decisions leaders face: whether to coach someone or let them go. When those first doubts ariseCan this person improve? Should they stay?pause and turn to this framework. Resist acting on emotion or delaying the decision; instead, use CORVETT to lead with clarity and consistency. With the right tools, you can confidently navigate these decisions, strengthen your team, and foster a strong culture of accountability and growth.
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