There are certain social media rules we can all agree on: Ghosting a conversation is impolite, and replying k to a text is the equivalent of a backhand slap (violent, wrong, and rude). But what about the rest of the rules? When can we really remind someone of our old Venmo request? What happens when someone tries to flirt with you on LinkedIn?
Fortunately, terminally online writers Delia Cai and Steffi Cao are here to answer all your digital quandaries, big or small. Welcome to Fast Companys new advice column, Posting Playbook. This week, Steffi opines on what you should do when you dont want to be tagged in the group photo.
How should I tell my friend I look bad in the group photo and want them to untag me?
So youre looking through the group iCloud after a night out, where your Type A friend has uploaded all the photos. You swipe through and immediately cringe. Oh no! This was not the sultry, chic, carefree pictures you thought you took together. Your hair is messy, youre not at your optimal photo-taking angle, your skin isnt at its best, you can see your undereye circles, your cheeks are puffy from last nights ramen, your smile looks kind ofweird. And then, Defcon 10: Someone posts that group photo on their public Instagram feed. And theyve tagged you. Que horror!
What you should do is just tell your friend you want to be untagged. Yes, Im all for learning to be okay with the different ways your face looks, and the importance of body neutrality, but if its going to discomfit you to the point of distraction, just tell them. Thats your friend after all, right? In all likelihood, theyll tell you that youre beautiful and perfect (you are) and respect the untag. No one is responsible for your own self-perception, but were all going through the same mental obstacle course of being constantly exposed to technology-influenced ideals of beauty, so we can at least be polite about it.
Theres been a lot of coverage about how we were never meant to see ourselves this much, and it still rings true. Social media has lured us into believing our faces are insufficient under the microscope of the infinite scroll. By the metrics of the wider celebrity and influencer landscape, everyone else seems to have glass skin, a defined jawline, a cinched waist, shoulders that could be drawn in perpendicular linesso why dont we? Not to mention, everyone can be made into content by any phone at any time, making us more conscious than ever of how we look from every angle. While content used to be a window into life, saved for special occasions or those with the technological access and capability, now, every moment of life is a frame for content. Meals, daily routines, nights out, routines at home. Theres an emphasis to make every aspect perfectly aspirational.
We dont have to accept it, but in the meantime, we need to find ways to manage it while understanding that its not the healthiest choice for our lives. Overall, my stance is that the proper etiquette is to let everyone select their favorite photos before running to post them online. Everyones relationship with their own bodies is so personal, the least we can do as people going through the same thing is to respect an Instagram request when it comes up.
How should I introduce myself in a group chat?
At this point, we have seen every kind of group chat introduction under the sun, ranging from hiiii this is sarah so excited to be here~ to Victoria. It can be daunting to introduce yourself, especially in a big group, but moreover, its more important to start standardizing it all.
My take is that we should all start introducing ourselves in group chats with a simple first name-last name text, simply for the organizational purpose of logging contacts into everyones phones. There are no nicknames in my phone, no emojis for loved ones. Everyone is saved by their government name. Toss a hi! in if you want, but I need it to be short and informative. Cut the nonsense. I dont need to know that you are excited to be in the group chatwe all are, and Im looking forward to hanging out with you. The information I need is an ID.
Especially if youre introducing yourself via text outside a group chat, I also encourage that you add context as to how you both know each other. Everyone is overstimulated, and its nice to keep that reminder in. I have 322 unread text messages from a lot of unsaved numbers because I cant figure out who emilyyyyy :3 is. Did I meet emilyyyyy at a work event? At a bar? Through a mutual friends birthday party? Whats wrong with: Hi! Its Steffi Cao, glad I ran into you at the bookshop. Let me know when youre free for coffee! I dont care that it doesnt reflect my loud and abrasive personality! Im here to make our phone storage easier. Bring back organization! I will learn about your cute and dazzling personality IRL!
