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Difficult conversations are something we tend to avoid at all costs. Whether its about underperformance, conflict, a personal issue, or an unsuccessful job application, entering any difficult conversation triggers fear within ourselves and the person on the other end. Our brains flight or fight mechanism is triggered, with emotions taking the lead, and we frequently find ourselves in defensive mode looking for a win. Whether it be after a keynote at a conference or in a workplace emotional intelligence program, Im often approached by people who are struggling with difficult conversations. Theyre gripped with frustration, fear, and exhaustion when they need to initiate a conversation and address an issue (or, on the other end, when they feel the repercussions of a poorly handled situation). Dealing with emotions in difficult conversations While weve become more focused on emotional intelligence in recent years, we still have a long way to go when we initiate difficult conversations. The language and emotional undertone of the words we use can exacerbate the emotions a person is feelingor help them own it, process it, and move forward. Heres how to have an emotionally intelligent response to the feelings that you may encounter when you begin a difficult conversation with another person, along with what to avoid. 1. Upset Being upset is no different from any other emotion in that it has appropriate and severe levels. We have higher severity levels when fear is driving our emotions, or its something that means a lot to us. Sometimes, our hormones can also be out of whack, meaning that we cry more easily than others. Heres how to receive upset. Your best approach: Getting upset in front of others (especially at work) tends to be embarrassing. Respond to the emotion, rather than the message delivered. Ask: Would you like to take a break, go to the bathroom or get a support person? How can I best support you through this? Avoid: Saying I know how you must be feeling, I know this cant be easy, or I am not loving delivering this message either. Avoid any sentence that starts with I or is related to you. You dont know how your companion is feeling, nor should you assume you do. Its not about you at all. 2. Anger Anger is an intense emotion. Our mind is being driven by our emotional brain, so there is no logic in play. Quite often we cant (or wont) hear anything people are saying until the intensity decreases, or we have finished saying what we have to say. Heres how to receive anger. Your best approach: Listen and pause; let them get it off their chest. Once they have aired their frustrations, use the same approach as you would with upset: ask them if they would like to take a break or how you can best support them through this. If their anger becomes inappropriate, pause the conversation and let everyone take a break and regain control of their emotions. Avoid: Our fight or flight response is often triggered at this point, so our natural defense mechanism is ready for battle or protection. Dont defend or try to justify your reasoning or message: this will only make their anger response even more intense. Avoid responding with anger, too. 3. Denial When our mind doesnt like what we are hearing, we can sometimes go into total denial to avoid the emotions being faced and felt. We put up barriers in our mind to block emotions and truly convince ourselves that this isnt happening. Heres how to receive denial. Your best approach: Reiterate the facts and reality of the situation clearly and explain the next steps. Ask: Does what I told you make sense? Do you understand what this means and what comes next? Avoid: Some people take time to process and accept information. Trying to force them to do it instantly is never wiseand is likely to lead to more denial. Avoid getting frustrated, telling someone how to accept the conversation or making statements. Ask questions instead to help them process it in their head. 4. Meh When the care factor or emotional response is low, it can be very confusing. People tend to be meh: the expression that they couldnt care less about what is happening. They might seem disinterested, or even like they arent listening. Heres how to receive it. Ask: Do you have all the information you need? Do you understand the outcome, next steps, and expectations? How can I best support you from here? After this, it is best to end the meeting but keep an eye on them and revisit the conversation if required. Avoid: Dont try to make it a big deal if they seem unfazed. This might be a cover for a deeper emotion, or they might not have processed the conversation yet. Or it may simply not be a big deal to them. Dont keep them there and continue to talk until you get the reaction you want or expected. 5. Curiosity Tough conversations can spark many unanswered questions. Questions arent a bad thing and are a part of effective communication. Heres how to actively listen to curiosity and answer questions. Ask: Are there any other questions or thoughts you would like to share? How are you feeling about the information? Do you want to talk about it? Avoid: This shouldnt be a one-way conversation. Dont end the conversation before they have finished or have enough answers and information. Avoid laughing at any questions or comments. 6. Positivity Sometimes, something we believe will be a tough conversation isnt one. For some people, its a relief to have the conversation or to have the issue out in the open. For others, its an actual win aligned to their priorities. Ask: Are you happy to share more about what you are feeling and why? Is there anything more I can do to support you? Keep an eye on them and revisit the conversation if required, especially if their emotions change. Avoid: A positive response can catch you off-guard, so its important to manage your own emotions both visually and verbally. Avoid cutting the conversation short or assuming this positive response will stay positive. It may be a protective front, or other emotions may follow. Following the emotion through the conversation brings the human factor back into communication. While it can seem a drawn-out process or distraction, it will get us a better interaction, understanding and outcome. Adapted from The Emotional Intelligence Advantage by Amy Jacobson, available at all leading retailers. Visit www.amyjacobson.com.au for more.
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E-Commerce
Ever dream about work? Have nightmares? According to a survey by the mattress review site EachNight.com, nearly two-thirds of us have job-related dreams that cause us to wake up stressed out and worried. Instead of shrugging them off, you might want to take note. While no definitive answer exists on the meaning of dreams, notable scientists, including Sigmund Freud and Carl Jung, believed they hold messages. Freud, for example, considered dreaming to be an expression of repressed or unconscious conflicts or desires, while Jung explained dreams as thoughts released by the subconscious, creating an internal dialogue. Modern research recently concluded that dreams are part of the brains data-dumping function, consolidating information it deems to be important. Dream interpreter Inbaal Honigman believes there is meaning in the dreams that you remember. It could be something super benign, or it could be more than that, she says. Honigman teamed up with JobLeads, an online job search platform, analyzing search data to find the most popular work-related dreams. Here are some of the most common, along with Honigmans take on what they could be trying to tell you. Being Late for Work Getting to work late is the most common work-related dream, according to the JobLeads research. This theme falls into the anxiety dream category. While being late for work isnt as high stakes as a dream about being late for a flight or wedding, Honigman says it still suggests that stress and pressure have entered your subconscious, creating feelings of being overwhelmed. To decipher this dream, you must get to its root. It could be that you feel insecure at work, because work is very harsh, Honigman says. It could be that you feel insecure due to low self-esteem. Its from the same dream school as being naked in the classroom. Anxiety is firing up your brain and sending you to the worst-case scenario. Losing Your Job The next most common work-related dream involves losing your job or being fired. Honigman says you need to consider the emotion to understand the meaning. Were you on any level relieved, because that would be very telling, she says. Or did you feel like you wouldn’t be able to manage afterwards? Dreaming about losing your job doesnt usually come out of the blue. Honigman says it could be related to surviving a recent layoff, knowing that the organization is facing difficulties, or experiencing difficult interactions with other staff members. This dream can arise if you feel unsupported at work or in your personal life, she says. While it doesn’t necessarily predict an actual firing, heed it as a warning. Its a subconscious signal urging you to address the pressures youre facing and seek clarity or support in your job. Getting a New Job Not all work-related dreams are stressful. The most common positive work dream involves getting a new job. According to Honigman, this can indicate a subconscious craving for change. While you dont necessarily need to leave your work environment, it could mean youre ready to seek out a fresh challenge or shift in responsibilities. [Positive dreams are] less common, not because people hate their jobs, but because theyre less notable and life changing, Honigman says. A happy work dream can create a ripple effect, though, boosting your mood and leaving you feeling more motivated, confident, and energized. Romance with a Coworker If you have a romantic dream that involves a coworker, you might wake up puzzled. Honigman says it doesnt necessarily mean that youre attracted to the person physically or romantically. Instead, it could indicate that you feel at home when youre at work, or that you admire the persons confidence, creativity, and work ethic. This dream can mean youre feeling very at ease, appreciated, and have some kind of excitement about going into work, Honigman explains. Or the dream could also signal a desire for greater harmony and cooperation within your professional relationships. What to Do With Your Dreams As much as possible, Honigman recommends journaling about your dreams each morning. If thats too difficult, share your dream with someone else. Writing it down or sharing it with someone makes you more likely to remember the story. Then, look at the emotions youre feeling in the dream. For example, if you dream about getting a new job because you started your own business, how did you feel when you woke up? For some people, it’s a sign of something they should be doing because they felt excited or proud, Honigman says. Someone else may wake up from that dream in abject horror. While the dream doesnt have to be identical, look for patterns that might indicate a situation that you haven’t resolved. Dreaming about being late to work again and again could mean that you have a work anxiety that needs to be addressed. How you fix it can have many different answers. Dreams are not instructions. Honigman says you should consider them to be more like indications, especially in the case of anxiety work dreams. They’re not there to tell you stuff you don’t know, she says. Look at dreams as food for thought and very precious insight into what goes on in your mind. It’s valuable information, part of a jigsaw puzzle, and not the whole picture. If nothing else, looking for meaning in dreams can be fun, like solving a riddle or connecting the dots. Any thoughts on what a dream about riding a giant cat to work might mean? (Asking for a friend.)
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E-Commerce
The world envies Swiss chocolate, army knives, and now . . . interest rates? Swiss National Bank, Switzerlands central bank, moved interest rates to zero this week, a reduction of 25 basis points, and a notable detraction from other central banks around the world, such as the Federal Reserve in the U.S. and the Bank of England in the U.K. In a statement, the Swiss National Bank said that the move was made in relation to declining inflation worriesand that its expecting the economies to buckle under the volatility created, in part, due to the Trump administrations trade policies. With today’s easing of monetary policy, the SNB is countering the lower inflationary pressure. The SNB will continue to monitor the situation closely and adjust its monetary policy if necessary, to ensure that inflation remains within the range consistent with price stability over the medium term, the statement read. The global economic outlook for the coming quarters has deteriorated due to the increase in trade tensions. In its baseline scenario, the SNB anticipates that growth in the global economy will weaken over the coming quarters. Inflation in the U.S. is likely to rise over the coming quarters. In Europe, by contrast, a further decrease in inflationary pressure is to be expected. Meanwhile, in the U.S., the Federal Reserves latest meeting wrapped up this week with no change in interest rates, despite pressure from the White House and others to lower them. Fed Chair Jerome Powell and other Fed governors have been reluctant to do so, as inflation data still has not gotten close enough to its 2% target, and employment data has remained positive. Across the Atlantic, however, another European country, Norway, also cut rates this week. And some experts think that the Swiss could go even further, instituting negative interest rates at some point this year. There are risks that the SNB will go further in the future if inflationary pressures dont start to increase, and the lowest the policy rate could go is -0.75%, the rate it reached in the 2010s, Swiss National Banks Chairman Martin Schlegel told CNBC on Thursday. But what I can say is that going negative, we would not take this decision lightly.
Category:
E-Commerce
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