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Thinking back to childhood, what role did you play in your family dynamic? Maybe you were the straight-A student? Maybe you flew under the radar, not causing trouble? Or perhaps you were charged with taking care of siblings? The person you were inside your family relationship can impact how you act in the workplace today, says Dr. Alexandra Solomon, clinical psychologist and host of the MasterClass In Practice series on dealing with anxiety. Sometimes we repeat those family roles in our adult relationships, and sometimes we do a 180 flip, she says. There’s a path of repetition and there’s a path of opposition. Our goal is to be on the third path, which is the path of integration. Solomon identified six common roles children play inside of their families based on their experiences. People tend to identify with one or two roles. Roles can also change, often due to a shift in the family dynamics, such as a divorce, a death, or an older sibling heading off to college. Each role has a function with two parts, explains Solomon. The individual takes on this role in an attempt to belong and to access love, she says. And the person takes on this role in an attempt to stabilize the [family] system. 1. The Perfect One A child who assumes the role of the “perfect one” attempts to gain love through performance. They stabilize the system by being a straight-A student or a superstar athlete, so the family can feel good about itself. In the workplace, the perfect ones gift is competence. If you give them a project, you can be pretty sure that it will be done and done well, says Solomon. The challenge is that perfect ones tend to be hard on themselves and, oftentimes, demanding and critical of the people around them. 2. The Easy One The family member who is the “easy one” tries to obtain love by going with the flow. They create stability for the system by not adding any additional strain, which often happens when parents are stressed. The easy one attempts to help their parents feel as calm as possible by needing less. Their gift at work is flexibility, which is an asset on a team because you can put them anywhere and they’ll figure it out without asking too many questions or being a squeaky wheel, says Solomon. Their challenge, however, is that they can end up feeling resentful because their needs aren’t being met. 3. The Struggling One The child who is the “struggling one” is often the center of attention. Solomon says this role captures an idea from family therapy called the identified patient. This happens when parents bring a child to therapy saying, Our kid is having a problem. Its possible that they are focusing on the child to avoid their own marital conflict. To gain stability, the child may back up what the parent says as long as it keeps the parents from fighting with each other. Its possible, too, that the child has identifiable challenges. The struggling ones gift as a coworker is that they become a strong advocate, says Solomon. They make people around them feel safe because theyve struggled, too. The challenge, however, is that they need to be more independent. 4. The Peacemaker The peacemakers role in the family is to help people get along. They gain love by solving problems, such as getting parents in conflict to understand each other. Even at a young age, they try to have everyone’s best interests at heart. In the workplace, the peacemakers gift is an eye for fairness, advocacy, and mediation. They help everyone understand each other’s perspectives, and they’re unafraid to get in the mix. The challenge, however, is that they spend so much time with their finger on the pulse of the system, anticipating a problem, that they have a hard time accessing their own emotions. 5. The Parentified Child A parentified child is someone who attempts to gain love by providing a source of comfort to the grown-ups in the family. This role is similar to the peacemaker; however, they offer more support for issues rather than trying to solve them. They act like a little adult in the household. The parentified childs gift at work is having empathy and caregiving for others. Their challenge, though, is that they often have difficulty with boundaries. They often define their worthiness by the degree to which they are needed by others. 6. The Rebel The final role is the rebel. This is someone who isnt afraid to call out how the family dynamic isnt making sense or working. They attempt to gain love through authenticity, speaking up, and trying to create stability by calling out what’s happening. The rebels gift is fearlessness, saying the thing that nobody else wants to say. The challenge, especially in peer-to-peer relationships, is that their self-identity is organized around opposition to the system. It can be hard to meld into a group when you spend time pointing out the things that are wrong, says Solomon. How Your Role Applies to the Workplace Carl Jung said, Until you make the unconscious conscious, it’s going to direct your life, and you’re going to call it fate, says Solomon. Were usually not conscious of our role, and we don’t usually have language for our role. We just do relationships the way we’ve always done relationships. Once you recognize the role you played in your family, you can start to notice core pain points at work that connect to a role you played. If you have a difficult boss, for example, its not just about a difficult boss; its what you do in the face of a situation with a difficult boss. A rebel might feel like calling foul on their boss. The more the rebel calls foul, however, the more the difficult boss is frustrated with the rebel. You can take a step back, realize your go-to reaction, and consider options of what you can do differently. You may not be able to change your boss, but you can become more empowered and not fall into the same patterns, says Solomon. The rebel may want to figure out what they can let go of. If they notice the urge to speak up, what will happen if they stay quiet? Maybe somebody else speaks up? Or maybe they realize it wasn’t the end of the world. [It’s about] trying a different behavior and noticing what the dfferent outcome is instead of being led by knee-jerk responses. Your Coworkers Roles Understanding that we bring family roles into work can also help you create hypotheses about why your coworkers act the way they do, which can help you feel less reactive to their behavior. If I watch my coworker pointing out to the boss again and again everything they did, you might start to wonder if they were a ‘perfect one’ in their family, and the only way they think they can be safe and belong is to prove their value again and again, says Solomon. Maybe you can have compassion. It may drive you crazy, but if you see that its their family of origin wound, you can take it less personally. Theyre doing that because that’s what they believe they have to do to be seen as valuable. Stress and anxiety are inevitable at work. The good news is you dont have to be helpless victims, says Solomon. There are things we can’t change about our workplace, about the state of the world, about other peoples behavior, about the things that happened to us in the past, she says. But we can get insight around why you see things the way you do. The experience of doing something different in a difficult moment reinforces a feeling of trust in oneself, which is vital.
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Bobby sat at his desk, rewriting the same email to his manager over and over. His boss had just announced a major reorganization without acknowledging how it would impact several critical projects Bobby led. Bobby knew he needed to address the issue, but he didn’t want to seem difficult or negative. But staying silent didnt feel right either. Bobby found himself in a situation many professionals faceunsure about how to bring up frustrations and disappointments to those in charge. Its tempting to avoid these tough conversations. You dont want to damage the relationship, but its hard not to be upset by sudden changes or what you see as poor choices. While it might feel nerve-wracking in the moment, speaking truth to power is one of the most worthwhile skills you can build. Not only does it prevent simmering resentment that can lead to burnout, but it also allows you to feel proud that you stood up for your values. More importantly, expressing your disappointment in a respectful way signals emotional maturity, proving you can handle pressure and operate in high-stakes moments. Heres how you can share frustration with your manager in a way thats clear, constructive, and strengthens your relationship instead of hurting it: Explore the worst case, best case, and most likely Its easy to overthink and wonder, What if my boss gets defensive? or, What if this ruins our relationship? Bobby worried that his manager would say he was overreacting or that itd jeopardize him being assigned to future projects. To ground himself, he walked through three possibilities: Worst case: What was the absolute worst that could happen? Bobby had advocates across the company. If things really went south, he had options and that gave him peace of mind. Best case: Whats the ideal outcome if everything goes well? Surprisingly, Bobby hadnt even considered the upside. His manager might appreciate the feedback, adjust plans, or at least acknowledge how the changes were impacting the team. Most likely: Whats the realistic outcome? Bobbys boss might be slightly annoyed in the moment since he was under a lot of stress, but it probably wouldnt be a major rupture. This quick exercise shifts you out of emotional reactivity to a more balanced, rational place, so you approach the conversation calmly and constructively. Get buy-in first Dont launch right into your frustration or disappointment. Start by getting a micro-yes. For instance, you might say something like, Do you have a few minutes to talk something through? or, Ive been reflecting on something and would love your perspective. Would now be a good time? This small gesture works because of the consistency principle, a psychological tendency where people want to align their words and actions. When your manager agrees upfront, theyre more likely to stay open because theyve said theyre willing to talk. Find common ground Continue to ease in by creating a shared goal. Set the tone that youre a partner who is working towards the same outcome, not an adversary. This shifts the dynamic from me versus you to us against the problem. You might say: We both want this project to succeed, which is why I wanted to share something that I think could be getting in the way. I really care about the teams well-being, and I know you do, too. Thats whats motivating this conversation. Use words that reflect their style and priorities Match your message to what matters most to your boss. If theyre deadline-driven, frame your feedback in terms of how it impacts timelines. If theyre mindful of their reputation, emphasize how the issue affects the teams perception. Bobbys boss prized quality. So, instead of leading with how the reorg made him feeloverlooked and angryBobby mentioned how the changes would create confusion around ownership and lead to gaps in their delivery. He wasnt sugarcoating or pandering, but rather translating his message into language his boss would be more receptive to. Critique the situation, not people Lower defensiveness by using neutral, observational language, like, It seems that . . . or, When X happens . . . versus statements that start with you or I. For example: Instead of, You didnt give us a heads up, try, When changes are shared with short notice, its harder for us to adjust. Instead of, I think our communication is scattered, try, This approach seems to be creating more back-and-forth than necessary. Better yet, add a suggestion or a solution, such as, I could set up a recurring check-in with the client to help us stay ahead. Would that be useful? Get their side of the story Show you understand that your leader is dealing with pressures, too. You might say, Id like to understand what constraints or considerations youre facing that might have influenced this decision. I realize I may not know the whole story. This demonstrates that youre able to balance your own concerns with their reality, which can instantly defuse conflict. You can care deeply, feel disappointed, and still tackle the situation with curiosity, confidence, and conviction. By doing so, youre building the foundation for long-term trust and respect.
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We often celebrate courage in its most dramatic forms: the whistleblower who risks everything, the bold innovator who disrupts an industry, or the leader who stands alone in a moment of crisis. These stories inspire usbut they can also feel out of reach. Most of us dont face life-or-death decisions on a daily basis. Yet, every day we encounter moments that call for a different kind of courage: the courage to speak up, to question the status quo, to lead with vulnerability. This is what I call micro-braverythe small, everyday acts of courage that often go unnoticed, but collectively shape the culture of an organization. While grand gestures of bravery grab headlines, its micro-bravery that builds resilient, human-centered workplaces. The Invisible Force That Changes Everything In my work as a leadership advisor and coach, I have seen firsthand how micro-bravery transforms organizations from the inside out. One executive I worked witha brilliant leader in the life sciencesonce admitted to her team that she didnt have all the answers during a major pivot. What followed was extraordinary: Instead of disengagement or panic, her team leaned in. They became more honest, more collaborative, and more invested in the outcome. That single act of vulnerability unlocked a new level of trust, and it all started with a micro-bravery moment. Micro-bravery is not flashy. It doesnt seek attention. But it is deeply powerful. It shows up in a team member who challenges groupthink, in a junior employee who shares a bold idea, or in a manager who acknowledges a mistake in front of their team. These moments of integrity, authenticity, and courage may be quietbut they reverberate. Defining Micro-Bravery Micro-bravery is the act of choosing courage in the face of subtle resistance, fear, or inertia. Its the decision to act with integrity and openness even when it would be easier to stay silent or conform. It lives in the gray areas: not on the battlefield, but in the boardroom; not on the frontlines, but in the feedback loop. It looks like: Asking a vulnerable question in a room full of experts Giving honest feedback with kindness and clarity Sharing a personal story that helps others feel less alone Standing up for someone whose voice isnt being heard Saying, I dont knowand meaning it When these actions are normalized, they build cultures where people feel safe to show up fully, take intelligent risks, and grow. The Micro-Bravery Loop: A New Leadership Imperative One of the most frequently asked questions I receive from leaders is, How do I build a courageous culture? The answer isnt complicatedbut it requires intention. It starts with modeling. When leaders share their own micro-bravery momentswhether its a recent failure or a hard truth theyve had to faceit opens the door for others to do the same. Vulnerability at the top becomes permission for authenticity everywhere else. But modeling alone isnt enough. Cultures of micro-bravery also need consistent reinforcement. I often recommend teams establish rituals that spotlight and reflect on these moments. One organization I worked with created a weekly Courage Share, where team members shared a risk they had taken, however small. Over time, this simple practice shifted the teams entire dynamicfrom guarded and skeptical to open and innovative. The framework I use with clients is what I call the Micro-Bravery Loop: Normalize discomfort. Let people know that discomfort is a sign of growth, not failure. Leaders should acknowledge it when it appears and create space to work through it. Spotlight small acts. Recognize everyday courage in real-time. Celebrate the act of speaking up or challenging assumptionsnot just the end result. Reflect and reinforce. Create spaces for people to reflect on when they were brave and how it felt. This builds the muscle of self-awareness and encourages more of the same. Protect psychological safety. Bravery dies in fear. Leaders must create an environment where people feel safe taking risks without fear of punishment or shame. This is foundational. Why Micro-Bravery Matters Now In todays rapidly shifting landscapeAI disruption, hybrid work, and economic uncertaintythe need for agile, resilient cultures has never been greater. But agility isnt just about process or technology. Its about people. Its about whether your team feels empowered to think differently, challenge the norm, and move with purpose. Micro-bravery builds this capacity. It enables people to step into the unknown with confidence, not because they have all the answers, but because they trust the culture to support them as they figure things out. In essence, micro-bravery is the emotional infrastructure for innovation. From Performance to Presence What I have learned over decades of working with leaders is this: Courage is contagious. When someone dares to be real, others feel permission to do the same. But it starts small. It begins with moments of presence, not performancewhen a leader pauses to really listen; when a team member asks questions that everyones been avoiding; when someone shares a story, that changes how we see them and ourselves. These are the moments that shape cultureand they dont require a title to begin. They require intention. The real question isnt whether you can be courageous. Its whether youre willing to start with the next conversation, the next decision, the next choice. Because when we practice micro-bravery, when we show up just a little braver than we did yesterday, we begin to reshape whats possiblefor ourselves, for our teams, for our organizations. And over time, those small acts of courage dont just change conversations. They change culture.
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E-Commerce
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